The Diamond in the Process: Faith, Failure, and Finding Myself

What happens when your best friends flip the script and put YOU in the hot seat?

In this episode, Chelsie hands over the mic to Lonnie and Sydney,  the people who've known her since before the platforms, before Big Brother, before the world had any opinions. This isn't your typical interview. It's unfiltered, unscripted, and unapologetically honest.

They dive into the questions most people avoid: What does it take to stay obedient when it costs you everything? How do you rebuild your identity after losing it all? What happens when the church you gave everything to walks away?

Chelsie opens up about the dark valleys that preceded the victory. The suicidal thoughts at 23. The 102-pound frame. The five-year NDA that kept her silent. The loneliness that comes with always being misunderstood.

This one's for anyone in the fire right now, wondering if there's purpose in the pain. Because sometimes the process isn't punishment,  it's preparation for what's on the other side.

The diamond was always there. It just needed refining.

TIMESTAMPS
0:00 - Intro: Friends Take Over the Podcast
1:03 - Early Signs of Bold Obedience
2:28 - The Missions Conference That Changed Everything
6:14 - The Loneliness of Pivoting Against the Grain
8:41 - Being Misunderstood: Living as the "Black Sheep"
12:11 - Diving Into Ministry: First Time Preaching in a Prison at 17
19:39 - Staying Too Long: The Church That Became Everything
27:27 - Getting Let Go: Losing Everything in 48 Hours
33:14 - The Call to Niecy Nash-Betts: "What's Next?"
37:07 - Big Brother as a Broken Person: Showing Up Fractured on National TV
40:51 - The Weight of Representing Christianity on Reality TV
49:06 - The Heart of The Diamond Podcast: Highlighting the Process, Not Just the Prize
52:28 - Dream Guests: Michael B. Jordan, Issa Rae, Kehlani & More

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Subscribe and join the Diamond family: https://www.youtube.com/@chelsiebaham/podcasts
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Apple Podcast: https://bit.ly/4riIyXV

New episodes drop every other Tuesday.

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Website: https://chelsiebaham.com
Chelsie's Instagram |  https://www.instagram.com/chelsiebaham/
Chelsie's TikTok |  https://www.tiktok.com/@chelsiebaham

Lonnie's Instagram | https://www.instagram.com/lonlegend/
Sydney's Instagram | 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Okay, so if you're listening to this, you probably know this is Chelsea's podcast, and she's the interviewer. She's the one asking the questions, pulling the stories out of everybody else.

SPEAKER_00 0:08

But today, that's not what's happening. We're flipping the whole thing. I'm Lonnie. I'm a legal technology specialist and an entrepreneur and a servant to God. But most importantly, I met Chelsea in college over a decade ago. Before the cameras, before it win, before the world had any opinions about her.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

And I'm Sydney. I'm a licensed marriage and family therapist and owner of Advocate Family Counseling. I've known Chelsea literally her entire life, like baby pictures, first memories, first heartbeats, first prayers, all of it.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

We met her before the platforms, before Big Brother, before the pressure. And because of that, we get a front row seat to who she really is. So today, we're overtaking this podcast. No prep, no protection, nothing is off limits.

SPEAKER_01 0:50

We're asking the questions she normally avoids, we're pulling out the stories she doesn't always volunteer, the stuff before the win, the stuff during, and the stuff nobody sees after.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

So, Chelsea welcome to your own podcast. Sit back, don't relax too much, because you're not in control today.

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Oh, lovely. Thanks for having me on the podcast. I am so nervous. Can I say? Number one, I'm glad you guys are here. Not to flip it back, sounds like me being the interviewer, but like Sydney, you I have two very opposite friends. She's the introvert. She plans her naps. She's very like type A, and Lonnie is not. Lonnie's gonna do what he wants when he wants. He's usually gonna break the mold. And so thank you guys for being on here. I really don't know where this conversation is gonna go, but I trust both you guys.

SPEAKER_01 1:42

So let's an honor to be here. We love you.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Yeah, and our job is to expose you for who you really are today. Exposure.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Go ahead. Nothing's off limits.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Sydney, you want to start, you want to start us off so quick?

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Yeah, yeah. I think just knowing you uh since childhood, our dads being best friends and just having grown up, we played soccer together. We played, you know, you were the goalie. Think, think about that, how short you were, and you were the goalie. You didn't have to why you were in the goal. The girl was on a poppet. You know what I'm saying? But yeah, just knowing you and um just tell us a little about a little bit about who you were before, you know, the fame, before, you know, the calling of going on big brother.

SPEAKER_02 2:31

Yeah. Well, yeah, we used to like uh prep for soccer games together. We were sharing the same bed, like getting ready for games. We wait literally. I remember waking up and I didn't know that people have cinnamon rolls for breakfast until your mother would make us cinnamon rolls and turkey, bacon, and eggs. Every day. Every day, it became our staple best of that. I still have as a grown adult. Okay, but an athlete, like like you said, the youngest, the shortest one, but in in the goal. Like that's crazy. I've I know. And she was like the cra, she was a forward, went to play it at SC. And then I remember getting bored with staying in the goal because our team was so good. We played for Arsenal. No one would shoot. No, yeah. I was like, I need to like, I need to like hit somebody physically. I need to touch somebody. Uh so I quit. I remember quitting really early and then switching to play basketball in sixth grade, which kind of started this pattern of mine where when I want something, I kind of just immediately go after it. I don't really sit too long on it. And I remember it was after a game. I had probably two touches on the on the field. And I told my dad, I said, quit. I'm not doing this. Like, I'm bored. Yeah. What sport can I do that has physicality? He's like, try basketball. Now, why Jack Baham did that? I'm I've been 5'2 since like fifth grade and it stopped. So I was like, you chose the sport that like requires height. Yeah, yeah. But went on and played basketball in college. Yeah. While you were playing soccer in college. And I remember meeting uh a woman. I went to Biola, the Bible Institute of LA, and it was my very first missions conference where they shut off uh no classes for a week and you go to this conference. I loved it so much. I'm like, I'm gonna attend every session. You only have to attend six. I attended probably 15. And uh I remember for the first time seeing this female preach. Yeah. And I had never seen a woman preach in the way that she did. And it was the first time I was like, I think that's what I'm supposed to be doing. You know, like you don't really once you see it be done, it's like a light bulb. You're like, I think because I grew up in a church where there wasn't a lot of females on a platform. So I remember turning to my teammates and I was like, yo, I'm gonna like this woman's gonna be part of my life. And they were like, Bam, shut up. Uh after like very persistent reaching out to this woman, I was very persistent. Uh, she finally hits me up and she says, Hey, like, I think you could be a great help in this season. Um, she worked for an anti-human trafficking organization at the time. And uh, so she said, Are you available today? And I said, Yes, but I wasn't. Like I ditched class, drove from LA to Orange County. You said I'll make myself available. Yeah, I'm gonna make myself available. And uh, we started talking, and I was supposed to be an intern for this anti-human trafficking organization. After an hour of talking with her, she's like, Ah, like you were supposed to intern for this organization, but I think you're gonna like, I want you to be next to me. When can you start? I said, tomorrow. Mind you, full-time like athlete, full-time in school, and she's in Orange County, I'm in Los Angeles.

SPEAKER_03 5:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:43

So I remember balancing doing that, and she, I told her, I was like, I'll do whatever you need. I just want to serve you. You don't have to mentor me. I just want to be in your space. And I feel like being in your space, just being around you, serving you, I will learn what I need to learn. Yeah. So I did that for about two years for free. She needed to help with social media. She's like, you know, do you understand the world of social media? I said, Yeah, I didn't. I went to school of YouTube, school of Google. Yeah. Figured out how to, yeah, run her social media platforms, start her podcasts, help her write books. And then I remember it was my junior year in basketball. I was a captain of the team at the time, and top of my game, like had played one of the best seasons I had. Belana used to come to my games all the time, just like clowning me with my headband.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

How'd you know I was gonna say that?

SPEAKER_02 6:33

I don't, yeah, I already knew you were.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

I had a whole thing up here.

SPEAKER_02 6:36

Um, and and you can like speak on my basketball journey after this, but I remember junior year, I was dribbling the basketball and leading the practice. Like the first two weeks, coaches can't be on the court. So I remember leading practice and I felt I heard this voice that says, You're not supposed to be here. And I was like, whatever. And then I hear it again, maybe 20 seconds later. I literally drop the basketball. I run up, I told my co-captain, can you lead practice? I have to talk to coach. I run a coach's office and I said, like, this is not gonna make sense to you because it doesn't make sense to me, but I feel like I need to quit basketball. And she starts crying instantly. And I'm like, oh my gosh. She's like, What can we do? Can we recruit different different girls? I'm like, oh well, special. Yeah, why can't I tell you? So she was throwing everything at me, and I said, No, I don't think I can. And so it was another moment in my life where I was very like almost impulsive. Like I the moment that I felt something or knew something wasn't right or I wanted to change something, I did immediately didn't hesitate.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

But I feel like that's always been you. I feel like you don't shy away from being obedient. Like when you hear the voice, voice of the Lord, like you go and do it, whether that be, you know, high school, going up to growing up and going to the same high school. Then we went to different high schools because you're like, I can't be here. Like I can't be in this environment. It wasn't conducive to you, and you made that life change. And I feel like you're not afraid to take these big steps and do these big moves that most people would be like, like, but what are the what's gonna be the outcome? Let me plant like me, like let me plan it out. Let me see what are the pros and cons. Yeah. You know, you're like, let me just do it. I'm just gonna go for it. Because quitting a college sport is a big thing. Yeah. You know, you're on scholarship, you're doing that's your life. And it for a lot of times it becomes your identity. And you were like, Nope, I'm going to, you know, quit this and do what I feel the Lord is calling me to do, which I think shows just how you've been your entire life growing up, just doing things that maybe are against the grain, but are just tailored to like your desire to be obedient to the Lord.

SPEAKER_02 8:42

Yeah. And you hit the nail on the head, like you, my identity was attached to basketball. Like most athletes, our identity is attached, especially when you play at the collegiate level. Yeah. And and I was on scholarship. Like my mom was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, uh, I want to say like 18, 19 years ago, which caused her to not be able to work. So my dad's the primary breadwinner. You know, we we were blessed, but we struggled growing up. I have three siblings, so it was a lot. And I knew that like giving up this scholarship would put a financial weight. That's why I worked so hard to get to play basketball in college, was because it was gonna help pay my way through it. Yeah. So I really had no other option if I wanted to get an education and not go into a ton of debt. Yeah. So yeah, I I I have I have kind of been a little like that where it's just I'm gonna be obedient to God, not really knowing what the outcome is gonna look like.

SPEAKER_01 9:37

Yeah, and that's what faith is like.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

Yes, a hundred percent. And I've exercised it at a very young age. But yeah, Lonnie met me in that, in that in between in college.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

I did go to a lot of those games, um, and I saw you out there at 5'2, all of 5'2, um, pulling up at the elbow on a fast break every time, like you were Russell Westbrook. So that's what I used to call you. Um, and that energy, right? It's part of your identity, it's part of who you are. And what I want to know is what it's like to have your identity be wrapped in these different spaces, these different things, and then have to pivot and do so against the grain of because I imagine it's a lonely experience. Um, can you tell me a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_02 10:19

Yeah, like I had to I evaluated like retrospectively because I made those decisions impulsively, and then I and then I feel the weight of my decision. Then I'm like, okay, this hurts. Who am I without basketball? Who am I without these things? And so I asked myself those questions at a young age, like probably 16, 17, like, who am I if you take away um my titles, if you take away my gifts? Who am I? And I've always asked myself that question. I also have always dreamt about the woman that I wanted to become. So the woman that I want to become, my identity is not attached to things that can be here one day and gone the next, like like basketball. And I also like was realistic. I'm 5'2. I was like, I'm not about to play professionally, you know, eventually this will come to an end. The goal was to play professionally overseas and then become a broadcaster on ESPN, and that's what got my degree in um in media and communications. You and I both. Um so yeah, I I knew that some of the decisions that I had to make at a young age was only gonna better me in the future. And my identity not being wrapped in basketball, not being wrapped in these things was in a form healthy, but it is scary and it is lonely, especially when you know, in college and high school, your friend group is you like people on your team. Yeah, that's it. You spend every moment with them, you only have opportunity to build other relationships. So when I quit in college, I was extremely lonely because I was like, okay, I've met nobody else on campus other than Lonnie. Literally, I have no friends. And it became lonely and deciding to quit because God said was something I was so afraid to call my dad and say, Hey, like I just quit. And he's like, Okay, where's this money about to come? And I'm like, that's valid. I didn't think through all that. I didn't think about that detail. I didn't think we're all there. Um, but it is isolating and it is scary because I am a little bit more not type A, not type B, but I'm kind of like in the middle where I do have spontaneity, but I also want to know where that spontaneity is eventually gonna lead me. And so um it is scary because when I quit basketball, it wasn't I didn't have anything else lined up. It was just like I'm gonna quit and the Lord's gonna do what the Lord's gonna do. Yeah, and so I quit. I remember my dad's like, talk to financial aid and see if they're gonna um then you get other scholarships. So I go talk to my financial advisor. I'm like, okay, I quit because God said. And I'm at a like, I'm not like a Christian school, so it's like you can have these conversations. And long story short, the money that I was getting in basketball scholarship, they were able to give me in other scholarships. And so I I've seen a pattern of like though being obedient and pivoting against the grain is scary, I've seen the fruit on the other side where God's blessed my obedience and like quick obedience too. Cause I've been in seasons where I'm like, I know what God's told me to do, but I'm gonna wait. I'm gonna wait till this happens and then happens. So, but there's a difference between like immediate obedience, and I've seen the fruit in that. Um, but it is it is isolating, and I think I've dealt with isolation my whole life that it's become just something that I'm used to.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:55

Was there like ever a time that you felt misunderstood in that aspect of being obedient and seeking the Lord and other people really not understanding you, whether that be in high school, in college after Big Brother? Yeah, my family is like, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 14:10

My dad rightfully so is like, huh? Um Yeah, I've been very misunderstood because my dad's like, okay, like God does lead us to make certain decisions, but like not to be dumb, you know? Yeah, and so God's just been so good that even in me making those decisions that seem wild in the moment, God responds to it so faithfully that the people around me are like, oh well, wow. They see it, they see the fruit of my quick obedience. And so, yes, I am misunder, but I've always been misunderstood. Like I was involved in youth ministry at a very young age, very in the church. Just like the thing that brought me joy was serving at church. That alone makes made me different.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

Yeah, especially in high school as a teenager.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Yes. Like I was I didn't, I wasn't cussing, I wasn't drinking, I wasn't smoking, I wasn't sleeping around. So just those life decisions always put made me like a black sheep and put me in that category. So I don't even feel like I know what it what it feels like to be understood. I just live in a state of being misunderstood. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:16

Well, speaking of black sheep, um, the way that we met and became friends and got shared the story. Yeah. Um, so we were in a classroom, uh, we were in this random class, uh, and we were the only two black people in that class. Literally, the only two black people. So the teacher was pairing people up in this random college course. Um, and of course, paired the two of us up. We didn't really even know each other like that. No, we didn't. So it wasn't like we weren't sitting next to each other. I think you were on the other side of the room. But of course, you know.

SPEAKER_02 15:45

She was like, Oh, the black people. She was like, oh, y'all party. That'd be great.

SPEAKER_00 15:48

Um, and so we got in real time to see the type A and type B go at it.

SPEAKER_02 15:52

Oh, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

Oh, God. That was chaos. Um, but we did well. We got an A.

SPEAKER_02 15:58

We got an A. We had to do a like an assignment on the movie Joy, I think it was. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

It was Jennifer Lawrence.

SPEAKER_02 16:04

Jennifer Lawrence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, continue. And so You're like reminiscing. Uh yeah, yeah, reminiscing.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

A little trauma there.

SPEAKER_01 16:11

Yeah, right, there was.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

Yeah, so we um we started in that course, became like really good friends, and I was not a believer at the time. You went hard. And I remember there was one day after you had, you know, quit the team and put your life completely in this church. I was so confused because um we were talking, I think Kendrick Lamar had dropped an album. We were talking about the album, bringing it down, and then you're like, oh, I gotta go to church. And I'm like, it is Tuesday afternoon.

SPEAKER_03 16:36

What did you do?

SPEAKER_00 16:37

Where are you going? Right. Um, but again, like you were able to kind of double down and pour so much into something new after basketball. What was that like? What did that mean to you? Um, that initial church experience.

SPEAKER_02 16:49

Yeah. It meant everything to me at the time because a portion of the story that I didn't share, that woman that I decided to intern with, it had been about two years. I was doing like serving her with no strings attached. A week after I quit, I didn't tell her that I quit. I remember she invited me to go to lunch, and I'm thinking it's just gonna be like a catch up because we're still getting to really know each other, know each other. And she sits down and she's like, I just was praying this week, and I feel like you're not supposed to be playing basketball. I said, interesting. Interesting, you say that I had a word. I was like, I quit a week ago, and she was like, you know, she's very like, you know, dramatic and expressive. And she she freaked out in Irvine Spectrum, just having a whole moment. And she's like, Well, that's funny because we now have the finances to bring you on part-time. So uh I got to dive into a whole different world where I was working part-time in ministry, and it started with like being her travel companion, helping her with her own personal nonprofit, and um yeah, it gave me a lot of experience in that job, is where I recognized that I had a gift of communication. The very first time I preached was in a prison, and she was like, Hey, I think you should preach. And I'm like, Cool. She's like, Well, the first one's gonna be in a prison in Texas. So I was like, Okay, wait, what? And I'm 17. Yeah, I was like, Well, I'm like 18, maybe 17, 18. And so it it was beautiful. It was difficult because I still had a love for basketball, but it was beautiful because the Lord gave me opportunity to have a lot of impact in the world that I dived into and it showed me a whole nother side of who I was. Um, the degree that I was getting in communications, I thought was gonna be for sports. And I saw the Lord slowly starting to use that gift in ministry. So it was really cool to see the thing that I had desired God used just in a different way. So it was it was beautiful, it was difficult though. I had to grow up fast. I was traveling, like I have school Monday through Thursday, and then leave Thursday night, and you know, I'd be on a flight till Sunday and then come back and go right back to school. So it taught me time management, it made me a really high capacity leader in person. It also burned me out. Yeah. And you and you guys have both seen uh really unhealthy versions of me. So good and bad that came out of me leaving sports and diving into full-time industry.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

Yeah. And then we kind of talked about you being able to take that leap of faith and obedience. And do you feel like this specific path for you you stayed in longer than you should have?

SPEAKER_02 19:39

Um at that church, um so the woman that I worked for, I interned for her, and then I was talking to her and her husband, and I'm like, hey, we all weren't really planted in a church. We were kind of just like churchless. And it felt we felt like we were homeless. And I'm like, hey, you guys should think about planting a church. And she said, hell no. Um, and then her husband was like, You're gonna have to talk to your sis about that. And a couple months later, the Lord started to speak to them and they planted that church. So I helped them plant a church from the ground up in Orange County. I'd say I definitely stayed in that in that season far too long. Um I had felt like the Lord was nudging me, like that quick obedience that I had playing basketball and in high school. The Lord was speaking to me the same way, but I was I wasn't responding. And I was, I was way, I don't know what I was waiting for. I think I was just afraid because I had put, I had put my whole identity into these people. They were my everything. Like I would have, I would have died for these people. And um, so the thought of like God saying leave, yeah, I'm like, well, where to?

SPEAKER_03 20:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Having to find a new church, a new community, uh, new pastors, she became like my very first, I'd say, like mentor, motherly figure, also coupled with best friend. Like she became something that I think I had missing my whole life, which was to be nurtured and loved. And so the thought of me leaving, I'm like, I'm gonna fracture that relationship. So I stayed. I stayed. I'm like, the Lord will work it out here. I stayed in that season far too long and I read the repercussions of it.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Yeah. Do you think like with basketball, your identity was in that? And so it was one singular thing. It was something you didn't really see as, you know, long-term, you know, playing in the, you know, WNBA. But so that was an easier path to move on from because this, you know, church and these people were maybe more enmeshed into your identity in terms of a mentor, a best friend. And actually, like maybe the first place you felt understood and you felt like this is this is where I feel at home. That was what was hard to move on from because it met so many needs from for you, even though ultimately it wasn't, it ended up being unhealthy and toxic. Yeah. You feel like Because a lot of needs were met on the fore the forefront, it made it harder to be obedient.

SPEAKER_02 22:06

Absolutely. Like it uh and you're using therapy like this, which I love. Like it meant I'm like, yes, that's exactly yeah, you're diagnosing me right now. Yes, it meant it filled a void. Yeah. And I was afraid that leaving that um was gonna open up like that hole again that I felt like God had filled, and I didn't want to go without that anymore. And really what I was longing for was to be loved by uh by an older person that I admired, like a motherly figure. I think I liked that growing up is just being nurtured.

unknown 22:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:44

Um, loved my parents, it did a great job. But for me personally, when it came to female relationships, I had struggled with that. And so the Lord brought this woman into my life, she fulfilled a lot of those needs, and really like that isolation and loneliness that I felt had I didn't really feel that with her. I felt like finally somebody who is just like me, I feel like I'm not alone. Yeah. And so the thought of leaving that, I didn't want to experience loneliness again. So it did make me, though it fulfilled a lot of stuff, it did make me in turn be disobedient because I didn't trust that God would give that to me again. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

Does that make sense? And there was just a lot of like just even going back to like you being misunderstood, I think you have a great way of presenting yourself like everything's okay. Like you have a great, uh really optimistic person, like bright siding person. Like you're the light in a room. Like you can, you can brighten anyone's day. And I think that personality trait is a wonderful one. But then when it comes to people who just disrespected you or people who disregarded you, even like, you know, a mutual friend that we had in high school who to this day still hates you because of, you know, a mutual crush that you guys had, you know? And so people just have misunderstood you and have isolated you and you've dealt with it really, really well. And this was the first time that like I have a best friend who can can understand me and relate to me, you know, in a way that I needed also the motherly, you know, figure and also the mentorship figure. And it's involved in like my biggest identity of being a Christian and church, and it just encompassed everything and leaving that space, what was that like for you and not being able to share your story because of it?

SPEAKER_02 24:28

Yeah, yeah. So you're for those who don't know, like Cindy's saying me not being able to share my story is because I was under NDA, five-year NDA, and um leaving, it wasn't leaving. I didn't leave, I got kicked out. Yeah, and in a really interesting way, things just got unhealthy, enmeshed in a lot of ways. I was 23, I was young, so put that into context, and I felt already that transition coming coming, where but I felt like I was gonna be the one that transitioned out. Long story short, I I remember being in one of the holiest places in my home at the time hearing from the Lord, and it was my toilet. And I sit on the toilet, and I felt like I held I've heard the Holy Spirit say, if you lose everything tomorrow, will you still follow me? I'm thinking it's just a thought in my mind. I've we have a million thoughts going through our mind in one time. I'm like, whatever, it's just a thought. I hear it again. If you lose everything tomorrow, will you still follow me? I was like, it's an odd question, but yes. Yeah, very next day, not even 24 hours later, my pastor asked, Hey, can you meet us, have a conversation? I said, sure. I walk into the office and uh they had let me go. And they just had vision for the church and didn't see me part of it. That was the reason that was given to me at the time. And I felt like the Holy Spirit kind of prepped me for it. It was in that moment that I was getting let go that I was like, okay, maybe this is what the Lord was talking about. So I was kind of stoic in that moment. Yeah. Um, maybe shocked, didn't know how to respond. The room was weird. Um, and this, these people that I would have died for, it just ended weird. They got up out of the room and left. And from there, it was like a domino effect. Things got worse and worse and worse. This happened in what 2021, and things are still going down to 2026. So it's something I'm still wrestling with. And not wrestling with it like it, like I'm healed from it. Like the Lord's done great things, but um, I'm still getting some adversity from that side.

SPEAKER_01 26:38

There's still trauma, you know, that you need to be processed out because of it.

SPEAKER_02 26:43

100%. And uh, it was hard to not talk about it because there are stories that were ruminating uh about what happened that weren't true, that wasn't true. Yeah. So the hard part was I can't talk about it. And the story that's going around is false. Yeah, and like I want to misunderstood again. Yes, and like I want to clear my name, and especially for I got so burnt out in this environment because I would have I gave my entire being, yeah, Monty Nose, my entire being to this organization. And so getting let go in the fashion that I did and some of the stuff that happened afterwards, like you know, we can have a whole podcast about that, but I won't go into the details. It was hard. And then I had to stay silent. Yeah. When the main thing I wanted to do was say, it didn't happen, like, guys, that's not, you know, this. I was like, can I say something? Everybody can I talk about it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like it's hard because you I wanted to clear my name. Yeah. I felt like my reputation was being tarnished.

SPEAKER_03 27:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:43

And that was at 23. That's felt so I felt like the whole world was like collapsing.

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Yeah, your world crushes at 23 when you think everyone that you put your faith in just abandons you again. And yeah, now you're once again isolated alone, and and it's a hard space. And where do you think you went from there? And how did you recover?

SPEAKER_02 28:02

Yeah, it was bad. Like, I remember calling my dad when I first got let go that day, and he drove, he got off work, he drove to Orange County, and he sat in my home, and we ate a burger and I just sobbed. And he was just encouraging me that everything was gonna be okay. But the hard part about this story that I haven't shared publicly is maybe like two months before I had a suicidal episode and where uh Raquel, one of my friends, um, was like doing everything in her power to find where I was at because I was at the point where I was about to alive myself. I was very, very close. I was I was like at the point where I'm like, I was suffering so much, burnt out. I was 102 pounds at 23 years old. I was not well. I was lonely. I had separated myself from my family because I had given my all to this new family. And so the people that let me go were the ones that I had enmeshed myself with. So I leaned on them a lot during my weakest time, and they weren't there.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:16

So I found myself two months later after this suicidal episode, and I'm like, how could people do this to me when they know mentally I'm already not well? You know? And um, I remember sitting in, my dad had left. I remember sitting in my living room, and um I finally hit the point where I'm like, okay, this is the crossroads I'm at. I can either trust God and continue to be a believer, or I can be 23. Because I had never given myself like permission. I had never had like a wild-out phase ever. I was always in church, you know. I was so I was like, maybe this is my moment. I have every, I have every reason to like go out and finally act my age, right? So I was like, okay, what do I want to do?

SPEAKER_03 29:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:00

And um, and then I was reminded of the conversation that the Lord had with me on the toilet. Like, if you lose everything tomorrow, will you still follow me? And I was like, I'm gonna try this one more time. And I remember probably for three months, I had to sit in my mirror in my room on the floor and literally just read scripture to myself. Like, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is trustworthy, think of those things. I had to keep my mind on things that were true so that I won't fall back into these suicidal thoughts. Like my dad was so worried. He was making sure people, I was never alone. It was very, very, very dark before it ever got better and lonely because when I got pushed out of that community, everything got taken from me. My close friends in the community, my pastors, my best friend, my job. I am jobless now. I was full-time at that time. Like everything that I'd known for the last seven years, gone. Yeah, just like that in the span of 48 hours. So I felt I felt lost. So I remember sitting in my living room and I decided to call Nisi Nash, my aunt. And I was like, I called her sobbing, and she's on the other end eating some crab legs. Uh but she was able, she picks up whenever I'm in crisis. Yeah. And so she picked up when I was in time in a time of need, and she's like, baby, what's next? Pick your head up. What's next? This is not the end. And so I decided to pick my head up. And but it was dark. It got very, very dark.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

Yeah. And I think like kudos to you for being able to pull yourself out of that. I think a lot of times people allowed their emotions to dictate their actions, and you allowed your emotions to draw you closer to God and and not dictate your actions, not become something that was going to be a temporary feeling that became a permanent decision. You know, it really was something that you you sat in the mirror every day because you didn't share that with people. You you held that in. You presented well, you presented like you're okay, but you were holding that to your heart and allowed God to come in and heal you and and and help you in those moments. And that's just props to you to actually put in the work that we always talk about, put in the work like you have to do it. You have to pull yourself out of that pit. You have to seek God and seek your resources. And you actually did all of that.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

Yeah. And I I remember sitting across many dinners with my roommate at the time in Orange County, and she was going through some stuff at the time as well. And I would constantly tell her, like, God is good and He wants good things for us. Yeah. Like the nature of God is good. Like anything that that is in his hands, the result has to be good. He will work all things for his glory.

SPEAKER_03 32:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

I I was now in a position where I had to actually believe that it's easy to follow God when it's going good. When you smooth sailing, yeah, the the moment my relationship was tested was when I lost everything. Yeah. And um, and I had to believe in the nature of God. Yeah. If he is who he says he is, that then this will work for my good. I don't see it now, but I'm like, Lord, you're gonna have to keep my head up. And so I I drew near to him in that time. And as his word says, he returned it and and drew closer to me. And so yeah, he got me out of that pit, but it took like three years to get out of it, to be honest with you.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

Yeah, it took a bit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

Well, what are you gonna say?

SPEAKER_00 33:31

Well, a couple things. One, we joked uh this morning that I was gonna try to make you cry today. Um and funny enough, like edited out if you saw me like wipe my eyes a little bit, because I was tearing up thinking about you in that space. Uh, because I remember being there too around the time of that attempt. I remember we had a phone call and I was like, she's not good. Because she does present really well, right? But it was like uh and I remember we we sat on that that cream couch you had. Yes, not the cream couch, the cream couch, and uh you said to me, God wants me to serve him, and he wants me to serve in church, but I can't, like mentally and emotionally and physically, I just can't. And if I can't do that, why am I alive? Yeah, and I want to just use this opportunity because I know that there's probably somebody that like feels that way, the same way you did, um, on that cream couch. And I just want you to like yeah, um, to speak to that person or even just that version of yourself.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Um when you when you know whose you are, it doesn't matter what's taken from you, like he will sustain you. And so I would tell that person, like, as much as you can, ask yourself the question, who am I if everything is taken from me? And if you have a hard time detaching your name and your identity to what you do, to your gifts, to who you're surrounded by, to what's in your bank account, you're gonna struggle because eventually at some point life is gonna life, something's gonna happen, and you're and you're gonna have to wrestle with your identity being attached to these things. So I would I would tell the person to ask themselves, who are you without without all these titles and and all the other things? Um and do you like that person? If you don't, what are you gonna do to become a person? And and I realized um when I when my identity is in God, when I re when I know and believe my identity is in God, like it helps me wave the storm a little bit better. It doesn't make it like dissipate, but it helps me weather the storm a little bit better. So I would say like to that person, you are not what you do or what's in your bank account. God could strip all of that away tomorrow. I am living proof of that. Um and I and at the time I was in that place where I my identity was wrapped into that. So if you are in a place where your identity is wrapped in there, it's okay. The first step to to getting out of that is recognizing, yeah, I'm like, I am what I do, I am what's in my bank account. And I also want to encourage that person, like, there's so much beauty in your identity being wrapped in God. It takes the weight and the pressure off of what will happen in your life. Yeah. Because you know, at the end of the day, and like I deal with a lot of critique now, a lot of criticism. And my identity is not in what I do. So it's it it helps me, which the Lord prepared me for big brother. Yeah, it helped me take critique better because if somebody says Chelsea sucks at preaching or Chelsea is this, Chelsea that, I'm like, it's not who I am, you know, that's not who I am.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:46

So I would tell that person evaluate like how much of your identity is wrapped in external things. Because that might be um the biggest issue that you're dealing with.

SPEAKER_03 36:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

And I think people see you now, right? Like they see you as the big brunner, big big brother winner and being on amazing race and doing all these really great things, but they don't, they never saw that side of it. And a lot of times I think even with people who are in those, you know, who do have those thoughts, those self-harming suicidal thoughts, like they don't see the end result or they don't see where it could become. Like in those moments when you were suicidal, you couldn't see the end. You couldn't see, I'm gonna be a big brother winner one day, and it's gonna, I need to just sit here and wait till that. Like you can't see that. You're you're feeling it intensely and and deeply, and you were able to pull out of it to get to the place where there was hope. Yeah. Um, to where you know you are today. And there's still hardships that come with today, but I think you went through a season that was really hard and you you you did really well with pulling yourself out of it.

SPEAKER_02 37:47

Yeah, I think in that when I was in the pit, I think what helped me was thinking of the nature of God. I just can't get away from that. Like, God is good, he wants good things for him. I am his child. That's truth. Yeah. So where I'm at today, where I'm at today, I'm like, it doesn't line up with the nature of God, which means something's gonna shift and change. Absolutely. So I just have to stay in it long enough to see him.

SPEAKER_03 38:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

And the sad part is I think so many people in our culture and society today, and you know, as a therapist, deal with these massive emotions of depression and anxiety because they don't see a way out of it. And all you see is here. And it helped me not, it helped me take my focus off of what was happening to me and on to the God that I served. And I'm like, okay, if this is the this is the the God that I serve, then this has to shift. Something in my life is changing. I don't see it now.

SPEAKER_01 38:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:47

And you were patient enough to wait for it. Oh God. Because it doesn't come right when you oh, it did not come right away. It didn't happen to what, 2024? Yeah. It was three, four years after I went through all that stuff. And I ended up working at another church after I got, you know, burned by the last one. So the Lord took me through a whole bunch of stuff up before I even got to Big Brother. That I think a lot of people saw me on Big Brother and saw this bubbly, crazy, feisty girl. Yeah. I came into the Big Brother house with fractured pieces of who I was and had to deal with that on a national platform, which is not the wisest thing in hindsight, but the Lord covered. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

100 Days Straight in front of the world.

SPEAKER_02 39:27

100 days straight in front of the world. I was like, where is she?

SPEAKER_01 39:30

No, it's terrible. It's absolutely terrible. And amazing. Bring this girl home, but right when bring this girl home. Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 39:37

Yeah. And um, I saw every one of those hundred days. I watched the live streams, I watched every episode. Um, this is Big Brother season 26, right? Yeah. So there was an episode, episode 24, um, where you know, you were on the in the little diary room where you guys vote for who's gonna not diary room, the room where you're like, hey, I'm voting these people out, or whatever. And you voted somebody out, don't remember who it was. What I do remember is you wish two people happy birthday. You said happy birthday, Beyonce, but you said a name before that. Do you remember who that was?

SPEAKER_02 40:07

I don't remember. Okay. I don't remember saying happy birthday to Beyonce. I said happy birthday to you. Yeah, but you were, I thought you made like another person in addition to you. No, yeah, you have to share the same birthday. The house we're gonna be ready.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

I just needed a yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:22

You said I want to plug my birthday. Like that's why I remember episodes before.

SPEAKER_00 40:27

No. Um, but coming from that season, going into Big Brother, um, you had to face so many different types of challenges. The physical ones, the social ones, you were in the AI arena, you were doing all types of manipulation, yeah, you know, but you were also like doing Bible studies on the live stream, you were doing all kinds of random stuff, right? And so much of that though is a testament to how authentic you are. Because it was all you. Like I'm watching these people on like, what is it, X, Twitter, whatever, and they're like, she's da-da-da. I'm like, bro, that's all her.

SPEAKER_01 40:56

But like, you know, she's not performative, that's her.

SPEAKER_00 40:59

Like, yeah, yeah. But you were prepared for this. Um, and I think even when you talk about being in the pit, right? So much of being in the pit is not punishment, it's preparation. Right. And so to get to this point um and be on this stage where you know people are watching you, what was that like seeing in real time the things that you were learning and the way that pressure had affected you now show up in these ways on the show?

SPEAKER_02 41:24

Yeah, like I wanted to shat myself every day at the thought. You know what I'm saying? I it was scary because it's one thing to deal with your stuff privately and become privately, to be in process privately. It's another thing to if people don't watch Big Brother, you're literally stuck in a house with 16 strangers and you're mic'd 24-7. Like there's over a hundred cameras, you could see what we're doing at any point of the day. So it's hard. You can't, you can only fake for so long if you are trying to go in there and be performative. At some point, yeah, who you are is gonna show up on that platform and in front of millions of people. So I was afraid because number one, I to back up a little bit, I up and like quit my church job of to go on Big Brother. Like it was another one of those.

SPEAKER_01 42:12

Yeah, this is what I'm called to Lord, you're transitioning me out.

SPEAKER_02 42:15

But this time at the last church that I that I quit, I was obedient that time. I'm like, okay, this is the sign. I'm gonna act now because I learned my lesson. Yeah, like I am not gonna stay in a place longer than the Lord's assigned me to. Yeah, and so but I quit not knowing that a win was on the other side of Big Brother. I quit you could have gotten out the first week, which I almost did. That's very clear. I almost got out the first week and would have been jobless. Like, yeah, yeah. So I took that leap of faith, but I also went into went into that space knowing that people are gonna see me. Um and with and there's this like pressure. I knew I got cast as the Christian girl, but I knew that. Yeah, so it was like this you feel the weight. Big brother is like a microcosm of America at the time. They bring in one person that represents a group of people. So I was, though I didn't hold the weight of all Christianity, I knew I was the representation of it. And part of me was nervous because like I was very real. I'll give them in the diary room and cuss, uh, you know, gossip here and there. You know what I'm saying? It's big brother. The game is meant for like deception and manipulation. So it's like you're not going in there to prove your morality. At the same time, I was playing this game of deception, but still wanted to be a decent human being that treated people well, aside from the game. Yeah. So I was afraid that people were going to misunderstand me again. Maybe it's this theme of like being misunderstood.

unknown 43:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:45

Um, but I had dealt with it before. I was comfortable with the feeling, but I was afraid that, like, oh, the Christian community that only knows this Chelsea that turns on, this Chelsea that is polished, this Chelsea that knows how to step into the space, they're gonna see. Me in every phase. Yeah. And I have to evaluate that. Like, I've been taught to perform. I've been taught to turn on. Like, I've been taught to when you show up into a space, you are the leader, you show up perfect, you don't have flaws. The flaws are talked about behind closed doors. Yeah. And so I was afraid going into that space. But also when I got out, I saw the freedom and being authentically myself and how God used that. And the reality is, I represent a lot of Christians. We're a lot of Christians that cut a little bit. You know what I'm saying? Everybody finds themselves in moments of gossip or just being imperfect human beings. And it gave me freedom to show that I am human. And I think the biggest misconception that people have, especially a big brother audience that isn't Christian, and I understand their mis misconception, but they believe to be Christian is to be perfect in a sense. You hold these values, that means you have to show up this way. And it's like, no, I hold these values, which reveal how imperfect I am, which is why I need this. I am just like y'all, but I need a savior. I'm in the process of sanctification. And I have and I'm doing that publicly. Yeah. That's the space that's different than my church history. Is like I got to deal with that stuff without millions of people watching. Now people are watching, and there's a weight of that that makes me want to crawl into a hole. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_01 45:26

Do you think there's even more people watching now of even critiquing just the things you do, the things you say, like being under this limelight? Yeah. Um, how has that been? Even just post Big Brother.

SPEAKER_02 45:38

Difficult. Like you have the Christian side that is now even more um, they have a micro. Yes. And then then you have the world. So it's like if I do something, either side is gonna be upset, which then I had to go back to that. Who am I? And who is the Lord called me to at some point I can't please everybody. Yeah. What is and and I've made the priority of me being obedient to who God's called me to be.

SPEAKER_03 46:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:05

And I'm figuring that out. And this podcast is me showing, me being vulnerable, saying, I'm figuring out who I am. I am still learning who the Lord is, even after a decade working in ministry. I don't have it all figured out. That's why I need God. And so it's been difficult post the show. Um because you have the different expectations, and at some point somebody's gonna get let down. And I am a recovering people pleaser. I I've I'm used to pleasing people. And um in this new season, it's like, hey, how do I get away from pleasing people? And that's been difficult for me to break. Yeah. But I don't know that there's people who might also be struggling with that as well. Like, I want people to perceive me a certain way. Um I need to show up polished, perfect, pretty, put together. And even people who might be in the faith, like, I need to show up this way so I can be a child of God. I need to show up this way so God can love me and so I can prove that I'm a child of God.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:06

What God is showing me that is that I am his. I am a skin. I never questioned, like with Jack Baham, I'm never like, I have to make sure I tell my dad I love him 10 times a day so he knows that I love. Yeah, I know Jack loves me. So I just be. I just am.

SPEAKER_03 47:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 47:20

So I've had to translate that with the Lord. He loves me because I am his child, not because of what I what I do or when I'm gifted. And that has set me free um to get away from people pleasing, even with God. Yeah. And as long as I God's the one that I'm pleasing, I don't really I've cared less about the person. I still care. A little bit. Yeah, I still care a little bit. But I care less.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

Yeah, which is great. And what would you say you're like most proud of of yourself during this season post Big Brother?

SPEAKER_02 47:53

Um I'm proud of like my ability now to turn the switch off and to be like who you see in a podcast room, who you see on Big Brother, who you see in church is is consistent. That's what I'm most proud of. Like you're gonna get a consistent Chelsea. Whereas before you're gonna get a Chelsea who knew how to go like this. I I am like this. There's still flaws in me being who I am, but I am proud of a woman that is consistent regardless of the spaces I'm enter. I enter. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:27

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 48:28

I think one of even the most beautiful parts about this podcast is the opportunity for you to share who you are here because people might be used to seeing you like this, but this is the real you, this is the diamond podcast. Yeah, and it's authentic. Um, I know you're gonna do more episodes, so I want to give you a chance to shoot your shot at anyone.

SPEAKER_02 48:48

Oh, like a like a who I want on the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 48:51

So what's crazy is I was gonna say you can't say Michael B. Jordan, but go ahead. No, I just want to say like Larry, my producer is laughing at the corner.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

Listen, I just like you have not because you asked not, you know what I'm saying? And you will not. Yeah. Okay, let me say this: the heart of the podcast is uh its birth because it's called the Diamond Podcast because if you watch Big Brother in the finale episode, I you have two minutes to craft the speech, a minute and a half to craft the speech. It's probably the best speech on Big Bang Brother. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I cried and was like, that is my girl, that is my girl. Um but in that speech, um, you're fighting for your life and you're trying to convince a jury who you pissed off a whole summer why you should win$750,000 that you stripped from them, right? So I was crafting the speech, I was praying about the speech in the big brother house. Oh, you have nothing but time to think. You have no tech, you have nothing but time. So I've as I was praying, I felt like the Lord gave me an analogy of a diamond that, like, no matter what angle you look at a diamond, it's beautiful. You can turn it upside down, sideways, you're like, this thing is beautiful. And so I use that analogy in my speech. Like, I am the diamond of the season. You can look at my game from a social perspective, physical perspective. No matter how you look at my game, it's beautiful. When I got out the big brother house and finally had time to be by myself with nobody, nobody, I was thinking about the speech, and I felt like the Lord said, um, in order to get a diamond, this diamond was once hidden, underground, chosen, then pressed, put through the fire, crushed, chiseled, and if the the way that you know a diamond is pure is if the maker can see its reflection in it. If it can't, it has to go back into that fire.

SPEAKER_03 50:50

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 50:51

So the Lord's like, I'm starting to research diamonds, you know, and the Lord's showing me all this stuff about a diamond that it was it was really prophetic in a sense of like, Chelsea, yes, you are a diamond and big brother, but what does it look like to be to shine in life from all perspectives? In order to get this, you gotta go through all that crap. You gotta go through all of that, you know what I'm saying? And all a lot of times we highlight the success stories of people. We we give them their flowers when they have the Grammy, when they have the Emmy. We and then we bring them on the podcast and we say, you know, let's talk about that Emmy. Let's talk it. And I wanted a space where people could talk about their process. Like everybody wants this, yeah, but some of the most successful people in the world went through the fire. Yeah. And I want this podcast to be a space that brings hope to people who aren't where they want to be, and they can hear stories like ours and say, man, the stuff that I'm going through, it's necessary. And and I want people to embrace the process. So I want to highlight those in-between moments. Like what tell me about those moments you wanted to quit, give up, because the Lord uses all of that for his glory. And so that's the point of the podcast. And I want to bring on people who aren't afraid to talk about that process. I'd love to, and my podcast is not there's a lot of Christian podcasts out there, and they're great, and I love them. I listen, majority of podcasts I listen to are faith-based, and I love them. Um I but this is not necessarily a faith, a Christian podcast. You will hear me talk about God. You will see me bring on guests that are of the faith because that's who I am. It's gonna bleed out of me. I can't run from it.

SPEAKER_03 52:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:33

Um, but I want this to be a sp everybody goes to the fire, whether you're Christian or not. So I want to bring on people who have real stories, who have gone through real stuff, and either came out on the other side or they see what the other side looks like.

SPEAKER_03 52:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:47

I want to bring on artists like Kaylani, who has publicly proclaimed her faith, uh, lives a certain lifestyle, and she got dragged through the mud by Christians. I wanna, I wanna bring on the podcast. I want to bring on the Issa Rays, people who have had to create out of nothing. Um, so honestly, uh Michael B. Jordan. You say you I can't say it, but it's like, come on the basket. That's your dream. Come on, come on. That's your dream, girl. Tracy Ellis Ross, Alicia Keys. Like I can go on a list of the Jackie Hill Perry's, Megan Ashley's, I can go on a list of the people that I want on the podcast. But honestly, whoever has a story, whoever has been through the fire and um and came out on the other side, yeah, I'm like give them a platform to share about it because there's gonna be somebody who is also in their fire and will find hope listening to our stories.

SPEAKER_03 53:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 53:43

So whoever comes on the podcast has to know we're gonna get real, real, real, real deep, real fast. Which is good. We love it. Which is good. So that's Diamond Podcast, and um I'm grateful for you guys. I knew that um I want to bring on people who know me, like know me venting about my life. Like you guys have seen me my worst of worst, and I've seen me in all fronts. And so thank you guys for being just consistent community in my life. And I'm excited for the world to be introduced to y'all as well. My type A and my type B friend, y'all. Pray for me. We got you a cover all sides. All sides. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So uh, so yeah, it's the diamond podcast. That's my life.

SPEAKER_00 54:26

Yeah, you see, I'll ask like a very direct question and she answered with a sermon. That's my dog. That's my dog.

SPEAKER_01 54:33

Well, thank you for joining us, Chelsea, on your own podcast. We're so glad that we were able to, you know, just pull some stories out of you and just allow the world to see you in a different light. Um, because you deserve to be seen and understood, and we're just glad the world can see that. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 54:50

Thank you so much, Chelsea, for having thank you for um allowing me to host you and bring out a side of you um that people need to see, especially the type B side. Type B is for bowling, if you didn't know that.

SPEAKER_03 55:03

Um I'm a competitive bowler. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 55:07

I got merch. I actually brought y'all some merch too. That's in a bag over there. But, anyways, besides the point, besides the point, look, it is so good to see you in this light, to be a diamond um on all these angles. Um, and it's very important uh for you to continue to keep your identity in God no matter what happens, because you're going up. Um, and know that you're covered by friends here, by angels everywhere. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:30

Thanks. Love you guys. Love you, and we're out.

SPEAKER_00 55:35

That's my dog. That's my dog.

SPEAKER_02 55:38

Am I who else would Larry? Who would you want to see come on the podcast? Or anybody in the room. This is our podcast. You know who shouldn't? Who should not? Jack Baham. Oh, my dad. No, no, just kidding. My dad, no. My dad cannot. My dad, we need that's like season three. That's like season three.